20 going on 65

I am not writing this pretending to be old and decrepit. I am aware I’m 20, nearly 21 and still very much classed a ‘young’ adult. The thing is, i’ve realised lately that as I’m getting older certain thought processes change, my attitudes alter and well I’m becoming more and more of a irritable old woman. 

Just like old woman do, i’m going to rant, just like i’m at a bus stop talking to those around me thinking they’re listening/caring. I realise I’m getting old because year by year I become less and less tolerant of humans. There was once a time where even with people I disliked ridiculous amounts I could smile and nod my head whilst in my head have a silent movie of them impaling themselves on a sharp object. However now, i’m not listening, i’m not nodding and i’m certainly not smiling. In fact my eyes are wandering looking for said sharp object.

Then there is the issue of supermarkets : I dawdle with my trolley, I’m even reading the nutritional information at the back, I actually CARE about what’s in my food and going into my body. Surely I should just be on a diet of post night out kebabs and chocolate. I even eye up the bottle of gin in Morrisons thinking of drinking it in the bath later on. If that isn’t middle aged, I don’t know what is. Know what else pisses me off? Checkout workers, even though I used to be one. No, stop making pointless, boring conversation with me, stop reading my magazine whilst you scan it through, no I do not need help packing my bags as every time you squash my bread to the size of a fucking rubik cube. JUST SCAN MY SHIT AND LET ME PAY. See how intolerant I’ve become?

What really made me realise of my impending ageing is my lack of excitement for Christmas   I found it really sad that this year I’m not buzzing my tits off waiting for Santa coming. Even when my mum asked what I wanted, I had no idea, usually i’d have a long list ready by end of September. I do love Christmas, being around those you love, making them happy with thoughtful gifts, awesome food, lots of drink and festivity! Of course it’s a lot fun, but i’m just not giddy about it this year! It’s the same with snow, previous years I’ve longed for a white Christmas now all I think is ‘I hope it doesn’t snow, it’s gonna be a nightmare to travel in’. What have I become!?

I portray myself to be such a grump and a bit of an old bitch, but I do have fun, every day I do laugh and smile, and of course try to live life to the max. But getting older is becoming more and more apparent each year, but when I start matching anoraks with the poor bastard I eventually fall for, is the time when one of you must shoot me between the eyes.


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Go compare! … Or just shut up and smile.

Having perspective on the going on’s around us is a tricky thing to obtain and appreciate. It’s something I sort of wonder whether its a positive thing or something that makes us ignore and undermine the gravity of our own problems.

Firstly I should apologise to the people that followed this blog, I’ve been so busy these past few months that blogging has been last on my to do list. But as I’m off work sick I thought I’d just have some writing therapy and update this badboy.

So, perspective. It’s having a wider outlook on a situation, not just applying it to yourself, but to a more vast outlook. I have to admit, it does annoy me if I’m scrolling through Facebook, and someone pipes up moaning about how much they hate their parents for not letting them go out, or buy them something. Seriously – my blood boils. I’m a chilled out person, I live to laugh, yet, I want to put my fist through the computer screen – Chuck Norris style. 

Think of those out there who don’t have parents, or have lost a Mother or a Father, or in 3rd world countries where small children have lost both parents and are orphaned with no money or shelter. Yet you are crying because they haven’t bought you new trainers?! 

I would never want or try to belittle peoples problems, everyone’s got different things going on in their life and no one’s bad situations should be compared to each other, or else we may have a visit from that twat who sings on the go compare advert (I still plan on his assassination). 

I think people would cope better with problems if they did have a wider outlook on the world and what life brings. Life is never ever going to be easy, if it is – you’re not working hard enough or enjoying yourself enough. There’s always going to be problems, consequences, but the hard times will make you appreciate the good even more.

Damn, I feel as wise as Dumbledore…or Jesus. Nope, definitely Dumbledore.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

My time bed ridden… and off my tits on painkillers.

So I’ve not been blogging recently,  unfortunately I had to come home from Uni, take nearly a month off work and underwent an operation. Thank god, I’m back to pretty much normal now, well normal as I can get. So with the boring excuses out the way, I am going to write about my time off, infact every few days, I kept a mini diary, listing the pointless things that crossed my mind, happened to me, made me laugh, or made me just pissed off. I’ve randomly just picked a few out. Note, I had my operation on the 7/4/12 and the entries are a little spread out. C’mon now, I was ill after all!


11th April

So this is my first time even on the laptop, I’m not going to lie, I feel like a addict with the amount of drugs I’e been given. I’m allowed to be concerned, it’s a slippery slope. I have even dedicated a whole box to the copious amounts of painkillers the hospital gave me, with its original name : ‘the drugs box’. Who said just because you’re bed bound the creativity stops?! I hate being in pain, it’s so annoying. I’m on Tramadol, so any minute I’m probably going to faceplant the keyboard, so apologies in advance. Just to be sentimental but I really appreciate having family right now, my Dad has been fantastic, waiting on me hand and foot, reminding me to take my medicine, as is my Mum and my sister Claire. So blessed, anyway, my eyes are shutting, so I’m going to have to save some stuff for next time. Adios! 


13th April

It’s my birthday and i’ll cry if I want too! So i did. Twice in fact. I hate to be a on a downer constantly but it’s possibly the worst birthday i’ve ever had! Bless, everyone has been trying to cheer me up, it’s just crap not being able to move, and writing a blog on your birthday rather than having fun and probably causing some serious liver damage somewhere. Once again the drugs box comes in handy as I get to sleep most of the day and I cant blame it on my laziness! Friends have been really supportive too, actually I really like a guy. YES, I’m not saying the diary of a singleton is to cease, but he’s funny and makes me feel a bit more happy in all of this utter shitness. Yep, just made a word up there, once again –  CREATIVITY. I better wrap this up, getting relatives visiting the sick note (me) all day today, who knows when someone will burst in and interrupt me, plus, not going to lie, but this morning is on and I’m not one to distract from Mr Schofield. Laters!


19th April

Yay, I feel a bit better today, win! So It’s ben eleven days since surgery, and I am going batshit crazy! My days revolve around eating, daytime tv, and of course.. the drugs box. Wow, daytime tv, what a load of crap. I have previously posted about ‘The Jeremy Kyle Show’ I never once realised that it was mandatory to not have any teeth or the ability to construct a plausible sentence in order to appear as a guest. Welcome to the skidmarks on the underwear of society. I thought that was bad, it is NOTHING compared to ‘Loose Women’,well of course they’re loose, they are old! Sorry, I just disgusted even myself by that comment. So basically all this show contains is menopausal women just nagging and slagging of men for an hour. Its a show I love to hate. Then after that it’s back to a double bill of Jezza again, god what a wild life I lead. Whilst being ill I have to admit, I am a fashion disaster. I’ve been living in baggy tops, mostly borrowed off my Papa, no make up and my hair resembling the weeto’s professor! Remember him?! What a guy. Anyway, off for a nap, god bless you drugs.


So that’s brought me to the present, I know I didnt manage much, but hey, Tramadol is one hell of a drug…

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

A self confessed rant.

Firstly I am going to apologise for being absent in my blogging recently. I’ve been majorly busy and my mind hasn’t been producing such great idea’s. Writers block is possibly the most annoying thing ever. However, this creative growth stunt decided to leave me this afternoon whilst watching the notorious – Jeremy Kyle.

The Jeremy Kyle Show describes itself as a controversial talk show. Controversial, hm, yes, if controversial means a collection of sub human, benefit hoarding, disgraces to society shouting their problems on daytime television. I am not going to lie, I watch it, as its so bad that its good. Sometimes , I just like to waste my afternoon, sinking into the sofa, turning on The Jeremy Kyle Show, and staring gormlessly at the chavs of Britain rowing about who’s shagging who’s dog.

This programme wouldn’t be anything without it’s host, Mr Jeremy Kyle. This man sits on a step, walks around shouting at the guests, reads lie detector results, sometimes tells a man he’s not the childs biological Father and gets applauded for saying ‘ Shut up, It’s called the jeremy kyle show, I’m talking’. Sometimes, I feel he’s just as painful as his scum of the earth guests. Once a gambling addict salesman, turned talk show host, he has the audacity to judge others on their problems with an aura of smugness of being middle class and being able to wear a suit to fucking work. What a moron.  

This show is some sort of tv debauchery, what makes me even more filled with rage is the fact good people with morals, pay for these ‘people’ (not sure I can even call them that) to have more kids and they don’t even know who the father is. I bet that’s not in the budget 2012 debate..

For once, I am admitting this is a rant, but I watch the show and i feel rage. This show glorifies adultery, lying, and being a general idiot. However there is one good thing that comes out of it – judging the guests on this show makes me feel like a fucking supermodel.


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

The art of facebooking.

Facebook, twitter, myspace, countless webchats and dating sites: social networking has taken over no doubt about it. What I want to ponder about in this blog is whether social networking has over run our ability to communicate face to face and whether its beneficial or just a negative aspect in todays society.

I am a self confessed social network addict, i’m always on facebook, i’m forever tweeting and it’s the best way to be a bit nosy. We get friend requests, begin chatting and whoops! Next thing we’re off meeting them or counting them as a real ‘friend’ However, is that healthy? What happened to meeting someone in the ‘real world’ where face to face conversations exist, where we can take intonation from peoples sentences and not depending on emoticons to actually show what were feeling?

I cant say that I dont depend on social networking, I use it to link people to this very blog, which has then got me my job writing fashion blogs. If it wasnt for the power of social networking I wouldnt of succeeded in that endeavour. It’s the same for others, for example the music business. People post videos, and sound clips, or create band pages to attract fans and followers to then help towards getting where they want to be. If it wasnt for facebook and twitter we may not have some of the bands we hear today.

There are negative aspects of these websites though. People can be cruel, I recently watched a documentary about a woman who was stalked on Facebook, and her partner put naked pictures of her all over the web. Her life was made a living hell, and all because this man had acess to her friends and family via facebook. There may be privacy settings, but it is still hard to keep personal things to yourself when so many people hae access to your day to day life’s commentary.


I must go back to what i first mentioned, communication. Even though I wont be deactivating any of my social networking accounts, I still wish that we all relied a bit more upon speaking and communicating with one another before social networking took over. Is it a confidence thing? Perhaps alot of us fear to tell people things that we wouldn’t have the guts to if they were stood in front of us? Whatever it is, maybe it’s time to go retro and actually start talking again.


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

singleton diary- entry 3, 10 things guys do that girls hate.

Well hello there, in this blog instead of reminiscing about some embarassing experience from my single life, I am going to talk about the wierd things guys do, that us women tend to hate nor understand.

Listen up men, this is going to be a life changing blog. Read, reflect, and STOP DOING IT.

1. Acting cooler than you are or ever will be.

When its time for a bit of facebook stalking, we decide to read your info. Putting things like ‘I don’t read, books are shit’ under favourite books or ‘politics is crap’  under political preferences does not make us quiver with pleasure at what a bad boy you are. Girls like intelligent guys. Trust me , we would much rather hear about your experiences at art festival’s than your experience in a prison cell on a night out.

2. Tickling.

Everyone likes to flirt, but since when did guys think it was acceptible to tickle girls in an act of flirting?! Are you trying to subtly boob graze us? It is not cool, and really rather annoying. If you want our number, probably best to not pin us own, prodding us while we cant breath. Flatter us on our outfit, be charming – it will yield much better results.

3. Bad personal hygiene.

We women like to make an effort when we see you. Alot of us tend to fix our hair up, put on makeup, wear our nicest clothes. The least you guys could do is take a shower, and no, covering yourself with aftershave is NOT showering. All i’m saying is we dont want to kiss someone with garlic breath, nor bleed from their uncut toenails when we  get to it.

4.  Over compulsive texting disorder.

I love a good texting session with a guy I like, its absolutley grand. However guys,  I dont know if you knew this but mobile phones can actually make calls too?!  Men need to re-educate themselves in dialling a number and speaking to us, rather than sending ‘i wnt to c u’ in a text. Not romantic in the slightest.

5. Gym grunts.

It’s bad enough that we drag ourselves to the gym to have a work out, what we dont want to see is you stood infront of the mirror grunting on the second rep. If i wanted to hear abnormal gorrilla type noises, i’d go to the zoo, or geordie shore.

6. You’re talking to me, not my tits.

Classic mistake guys. Girls love eye contact, it shows that you’re listening to what we’re saying and that you’re actually interested. I don’t know if you know, but breasts don’t actually speak? So quit looking at them, there not going to suddenly combust, my face is up here.

7.  Thinking you’re in a sound bubble.

When we walk past you and your mates, we do not suddenly go deaf. We can hear what you think of our rear. Please, wait till were out of ear shot, at least then we’re going to think youre less of a moron.

8. The Ex comparison.

So we’ve decided that we like you, we’ve swapped numbers, we’re even dating you. You then proceed to tell us that your ex used to make a better cup of tea or slice of toast. You may think its just commentary but trust me its just offensive and really annoying. If she made such good brews, why aren’t you still with her?

9.  Extreme hair gel.

Personally, its cute when you do decide to make an effort for us women. Buying hair wax, then putting some more wax in, then a bit of clay, then some gel, then a little bit more gel, oh and another scoop of wax. PUT THE HAIR PRODUCTS DOWN. Being subtle with the hairstyle is a plus, too much gel makes you look like a slimeball, not a member of  The Soprano family.

10.  Mind games.

Deciding whether you like us is NOT a tough decision. Or well, it shouldn’t be. You either do or you dont. So why dont you quit with the facade of being cool calm and collected and tell us how you feel. You’re wrong when you think we like you being an arse to us. Be brave and be forward in how you feel, not only is the confidence attractive, it makes us respect you a whole lot more. Honesty is the best policy!

So there you have it, my ten things that guys do that girls hate. Boys, don’t see this as an attack, see it as a bit of advice! I am single, and I will not stop till I find a boy who does none of these torturous things. So, be single, be free, and be the best version of you that you can be.

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment

home is where the heart is.

I think everyone has heard the cliche ‘you can choose your friends, but you can’t choose your family’. Everyone’s family unit is different, whether we even class ourselves of having one or not. Whether our parents are together, seperated, friends or not friends, we all come from somewhere and we all have someone who we have proceeded.

I’ve mentioned in a previous blog that I live away from home as I’m a student at University. When I was living at home I craved freedom, and with stress from other area’s of my life, I was eager to leave home and my family behind for a short while. Although that feels somewhat shameful to admit, it was how I felt. We don’t always get on with our mothers, fathers brothers and sisters. Personlities can clash, arguements happen and things are said and later regretted. One thing I have learnt recently is how much family means.

I’m aware of how cheesy and sickly this blog is, but it’s on my mind, and I think others will agree with what I write. A family unit, regardless of what it is, is the most important thing you have or ever will have. It surpasses the amount of money in the bank, or the car you drive, or how educated you believe yourself to be. Friends, they’re nice, but alot of the time they come and they go. I’m proud to say my mum, dad and sisters are four of my best friends. They love me unconditonally, tell me when i’m wrong, make me laugh and regardless of what i’m going through I can depend on them.

I’m lucky to not only have my parents and siblings, but I have a wonderful big extended family whom I love dearly. I find it difficult when I think of those who feel they don’t have the love of a family, or have been turned away. It’s then that we turn to our friends for love and unity, and I hope those who do, find their sense of totality there. 

Maybe I’m writing this blog because i’m really homesick, and dying for a cuddle with my mum, but all I know is there is no better place than being with your family. I think we’re all aware from personal experience that unfortunately our family aren’t always going to be there. I’ve learnt that this life is way too short, so for me, and in this epiphany that I seem to be having tonight that from now on, more of my time should spend it with those who love me for me and are always there for me. I write not too preach, just to share. The way to love anything is to realise it may be lost.


Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment